Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Because Words Sometimes Fail Me

There is a sympathy card sitting on my counter at work. Everyone in my division is signing it because someone in our department recently lost a son in the war in Iraq.

Let me rephrase that. Less than three years after losing a son in the war in Iraq, a family in our community just lost asecond son in the war. A third son accompanied his brother's body from the scene of the crash all the way to the United States before returning to California ahead of his deceased brother.

The family is, understandably, devastated. The entire community mourns their loss.

My heart aches for them.

My dilemma is in what to write inside the sympathy card. I hate sympathy cards. I never know what to say in these kinds of situations.

How do you scrape words together to convey your sympathy without sounding prefabricated?

"Thinking of you."

"…in our thoughts and prayers…"

"With deepest sympathy."

I don't seem to have the ability to string a sentence or two together that sounds like I want it to sound. Everything I come up with seems to sound so hollow and empty to me.

How do I tell this family that I genuinely empathize with them? That I know the heartache of seeing a loved one go off to fight in a war - that I know the fear of never seeing someone that I love come back from that battleground? I know what it is like to go through the routine of my daily life, all the while thinking of a loved one that is fighting to keep me safe and comfortable at home. I know how it feels to be so proud of someone for the sacrifices that they're making - the life that they're living - all so that things can be better for all of us back here. But I can never, everbegin to imagine the pain of such a loss. I can't even begin to come close to saying that I know how it feels - because this family feels a pain that I can't even begin to attempt to relate to.

My heart goes out to them - it truly does. I hope that with time their wounds will heal. I can hope that as the days, months and years go by, they will be able to recover from this tragedy that has ripped holes in their family and in their hearts. I don't know if time will make their hearts heal altogether, but hopefully they can find a way to cope.

I want to find just a few words to put in this card - to convey all of that and sound genuine. I've been tossing thoughts around in my head all week, hoping to find just the right combination of words that will feel right.

Hopefully they'll come to me.

And hopefully this family will be able to find peace in their sorrow.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

I'm Southern, Alright?

Those of you that know me know that I am a Southern Girl.  And I love my Sweet Tea.  So much so that I celebrated my return to the South and the readily available heaven-on-ice that is my Sweet Tea, available practically everywhere.  Everywhere that counts, that is.

Unfortunately, that reunion was to be short lived when Hubby accepted a job offer that would bring us out West.  We came out on a house-hunting excursion and I clung to the pre-made Lipton bottles available from the convenience store's refrigerated cases.  I got strange looks from the cashier when I appeared at the register with half a dozen bottles.  I just looked at her and said, "I'm from the South."  That should explain it all.  But alas, the Lipton substitute with the blue label (sweetened, no lemon) left me with a bitter aftertaste.  This love affair would not last long.

I was beginning to mourn my precious Sweet Tea, when my mother-in-law came to the rescue with a Mr. Coffee tea brewer that came with not one, but two pitchers!

Now my sweeter-than-thou beverage is readily available from my own fridge...and I've spread the wealth by bringing the sweetness to work with me.

I always tell people, "I'm from the South.  I like my tea sweet, and sweetened right."  That means made with real sugar, and it has to be added while the tea is still hot from the brewing process.  If you fail in that crucial step, the sugar doesn't melt in the tea, and you're left with a granulated mess.  Thus, I can't order tea in restaurants and add sugar when it arrives.  That's just not right.

While perusing the internet today, I stumbled across this article on the South's love affair with Sweet Tea.  It pretty much hits the nail on the head - Southeners love their tea, and they love it sweet.  Anyone that lives in the South and doesn't love their Sweet Tea just ain't right.

*********************************************************

I Wish I Lived in a Land of Lipton

What makes Southern sweet tea so special?

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Touch

The simple act of Touch has a powerful effect.

Every day, my dogs cuddle up to me, nudging me. All they want is for me to Touch them. A pat on the head in passing, a scratch behind the ears, rubbing their temples. The simple act of my Touching them gives them comfort and reassurance. They are happy and respond with relaxed grunts and thumping tails. They are validated in their "good dog" status once more.

I feel their life vibes penetrate into me when I Touch them. I am momentarily calmed - my dogs have served an immense purpose in those few seconds of contact. I feel their love and adoration whenever they curl at my feet, rest their heads in my lap or nudge me with their icy cold little noses. They love me, just as I love them, and they want to take a moment to share that love with me.

Even my independent and free thinking cats value Touch. They will curl up next to me on the couch, Kismet nesting his head against me, prodding me with a cold nudge of his nose. He craves my Touch, and if I try to pull my hand away he reaches out and pulls it back. Taboo will lay next to me on the couch, his paw extended out specifically for the Touch of my skin. He is known to perch himself on the floor…waiting to roll over for a belly rub if we should make eye contact. The contact of my hand on their soft fur is comforting and brings relaxation.

Skin on skin. The art and comfort behind the Touch.

When I walk by my Hubby, more often than not I reach out and make contact. I'll kiss the top of his head, run my hand along his bare shoulders. I always take an opportunity to Touch him in passing.  Playful pats, lingering brushes.  The Touch of lovers. I feel his warm skin make contact with mine, and in an instant love is communicated, without words.

I take every opportunity to press our skin together - kisses, holding hands, leaning into him while watching television, spooning at night, touching our feet together. The lifetime of long separations makes the act of Touch more valuable to me. There are long stretches of time when our skin cannot contact - I cannot feel the warmth of his body next to mine. It is during these long, lonely stretches that my skin aches for him - to be Touched by him.

The smallest Touch brings comfort and warmth. I seek it in my every day existence and find it here - among my loved ones. I am blessed to have this much love in my life, and to be able to feel the love without expressing it in words…through the simple act of reaching out and Touching one another.