There is a sympathy card sitting on my counter at work. Everyone in my division is signing it because someone in our department recently lost a son in the war in Iraq.
Let me rephrase that. Less than three years after losing a son in the war in Iraq, a family in our community just lost asecond son in the war. A third son accompanied his brother's body from the scene of the crash all the way to the United States before returning to California ahead of his deceased brother.
The family is, understandably, devastated. The entire community mourns their loss.
My heart aches for them.
My dilemma is in what to write inside the sympathy card. I hate sympathy cards. I never know what to say in these kinds of situations.
How do you scrape words together to convey your sympathy without sounding prefabricated?
"Thinking of you."
"…in our thoughts and prayers…"
"With deepest sympathy."
I don't seem to have the ability to string a sentence or two together that sounds like I want it to sound. Everything I come up with seems to sound so hollow and empty to me.
How do I tell this family that I genuinely empathize with them? That I know the heartache of seeing a loved one go off to fight in a war - that I know the fear of never seeing someone that I love come back from that battleground? I know what it is like to go through the routine of my daily life, all the while thinking of a loved one that is fighting to keep me safe and comfortable at home. I know how it feels to be so proud of someone for the sacrifices that they're making - the life that they're living - all so that things can be better for all of us back here. But I can never, everbegin to imagine the pain of such a loss. I can't even begin to come close to saying that I know how it feels - because this family feels a pain that I can't even begin to attempt to relate to.
My heart goes out to them - it truly does. I hope that with time their wounds will heal. I can hope that as the days, months and years go by, they will be able to recover from this tragedy that has ripped holes in their family and in their hearts. I don't know if time will make their hearts heal altogether, but hopefully they can find a way to cope.
I want to find just a few words to put in this card - to convey all of that and sound genuine. I've been tossing thoughts around in my head all week, hoping to find just the right combination of words that will feel right.
Hopefully they'll come to me.
And hopefully this family will be able to find peace in their sorrow.
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